Chabad, We’re Not into Chitzoinius

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why isn’t your hat brim-down?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why does your tallis have an atarah-crown?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why is your weekday jacket so long?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why is the style of your kapote all wrong?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why aren’t your tzitzis in the Lubavitcher style?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why haven’t your peyis been cut in a long while?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why are you wearing that tall, furry shtreimel on your head?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why did you use the wrong accent on the words you just read?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why aren’t your tefillin very big?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why a snood and not a wig?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why doesn’t your gartel hang down till the ground?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why are the straps of your tefillin improperly bound?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why are your glasses in 1950s style?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why during Aleinu didn’t you spit in the aisle?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why is the shin on your tefillin all wrong?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why did you sing that non-Lubavitch song?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why are you wearing a tallis for your aliyah?
Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius, but…
Why are you using the wrong tune as a ba’al kriah?

Chabad, we’re not into chitzoinius.

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