SATIRE, SO TAKE A DEEP BREATH PEOPLE.
“To say Iran doesn’t practice terrorism is like saying Derek Jeternever played shortstop for the New York Yankees.”
– Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu during his United Nations address, September 29th, 2014.
Being Israel’s Prime Minister is a tough job. Not only are you the country’s political and military leader, you have to assume the role of Public Relations Officer in Chief as well. And you gotta keep it interesting. People are apparently getting tired of the same old, “Anti-Semitism is bad,” and, “Beheadings are also bad.” Boring! So, as PR Officer in Chief Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been trying to liven things up a little. And it’s been working.
People are tired of the same old, “Anti-Semitism is bad.” He’s gotta liven things up.
His Derek Jeter comment light up social media and he’s actually been working on a number of other clever ways to say the same thing. In an exclusive leak to Jewlarious, we were able to obtain some other phraseology that was actually cut from his UN speech and other speeches he’s given over the years. So in the tradition of fugitives Edward Snowden and Julian Assange we are now putting our lives at risk by leaking the following:
10 Zingers Cut from Prime Minister Netanyahu’s Speeches
- “Seeking Iranian assistance in the military campaign against ISIS is like smoking crack to eliminate your nicotine addiction”
- “To say that Palestinian President Abu Mazen is our partner for peace, is like saying Mike Tyson and Robin Givens were the perfect couple”
- “Saying that Israel is not allowed to build homes in East Jerusalem is like saying Girl Guides are not allowed to sell those delicious cookies.”
- “Negotiating with the Iranians to ensure that their nuclear program is peaceful is like negotiating with the Ebola virus to ensure that all it wants to do is bring love and well-being to mankind”
- “Clinton said ‘you agreed to sign the Wye Memorandum’ and I said, ‘you have it all wrong, I have been saying ‘why sign a memorandum’”
- “Talking to Saeb Erekat in person is like a trip to Niagara Falls – seriously prepare to be drenched. And the halitosis – talk about a chemical weapon!”
- “It was one thing when Ehud Barak was wearing a lady’s wig as a disguise during our anti-terrorist missions in the Israeli Special Forces. It was another when he was showing up in costume on the Netanyahu family vacation in Cancun.”
- “Is it the ‘Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan’ or the ‘Hash Kingdom of Jordan’? Seriously Abdullah put down the Nargilah for once!”
- “Yasser Arafat was worthy of his Nobel Peace Prize like Arik Sharon requested the tofu at Haim Saban’s Power Rangers finale party.”
- “To say that Iranian President Hassan Rouhani wants a peaceful nuclear program is like saying I want 12 coalition partners each with different agendas who can bring down my government at any moment.”