Top 40+outRageous and ridiCulous Shidduch quesTions

All of these are actual questions. Names and specific details have been censored out. All Megillah stories have been shortened as well.

Externalities

Unisex

  1. Is the boy’s/girl’s mother/sister(s) overweight?

To Males

  1. A shtark bochur in yeshiva asked me to rate a girl’s looks on a scale of 1 – 10….
  2. “You’ve been to the mikvah when he was there? Does he have a big one?”

To Females

  1. Does the girl have red hair? If yes, we aren’t interested.
  2. How are her middos? (Boobs. Middos literally means dimensions. As opposed to in reference to fat/skinny)
  3. Shadchan: what size are her boobs? Askee: what size is his sh*****l?
  4. Her dress size

Clothes

To Males

  1. Does he wear a hat?
  2. Is it pinched?
  3. Does he wear Techeiles?

To Females

  1. Will she wear a pleated skirt on a 1st date?
  2. “Does she hang her clothing on the bedpost?”

Kids Issue

  1. (To a 20 year old girl) If I’d go out with someone 15 years + older than me since no one wants to date a woman with a lot of kids

Frum Shtus

Unisex

  1. Does the family go on vacation?
  2. Do they cover their fancy Shabbos tablecloth with plastic?
  3. Do they put the Ketchup bottle on the table (or put it into a serving dish)?
  4. Did the boy’s/girl’s mother go regularly to the Mikveh?
  5. What percentage of your Family minhagim are Lubavitch ?
  6. Does the family use a white tablecloth on Shabbos?

To Males

  1. “During the time that the girl’s great-grandmother was a divorcee, did she regularly go to the mikveh?”
  2. A girl’s snot-nosed 10 year old brother opens the door, looks up and says, “My father wants to know if you are koivea itim letoira.” Answer: My answer was, your father can ask me himself.
  3. Do you wear tzitzis? If so, I have the best girl for you.
  4. I was asked (by the girl) do i hold by yoshon? I replied “well, I try not to speak yoshon hara.” She got up and walked out – told the shadchan I am a self-hating Jew.
  5. I was asked at 30+ working fulltime my own factory , if I would be willing to go back to learning full time…..

To Females

  1. Does she wear lipstick on Shabbos?
  2. How frum is she? (On a scale of what?)
  3. “Does she have Kavanah when she Davens?”

Sephardi Party

  1. A girl to a guy: Wait, he’s Sephardi? He’s probably a wife beater then. (Actually happened)
  2. To a girl: “Can you tell her family is Sephardi? Cause she comes off so aidel but she mentioned her family is Moroccan and you know..”

The Rest

Unisex

  1. What dress does the mother wear when taking out the garbage? (Correct answer is that the father does – it’s a trick question).

To Males

  1. “What’s your favorite disease? Mine’s tzora’as, because you need to be on a certain madreiga in order to get it.”
  2. “Why isn’t he married yet”
  3. How about 9 years older?
  4. Why does he live on the upper west side? (response: don’t worry, he’s not sleeping around.)
  5. Shadchan to young married man: what what kind of girl should I set up for you? Answer: if my wife were to know I’d never hear the end of it.
  6. Does he have mental health issues?

To Females

  1. “Is she weird?”
  2. If I can convince him to go out with u, will u?!?!?
  3. If she would dress up on Purim in costume
  4. “Is she responsible? Or does she like to have fun?” (Uhhh… I didn’t know the two were mutually exclusive…?)
  5. My mother was asked about her employee if her bedroom is clean to which my mother responds she works for me im old enough to be her mother i don’t hang out in her bedroom
  6. Someone once wanted to set me up with a mentally handicapped guy. I would have been insulted but the wanna-be shadchan was really loony tunes. She was suggesting him as an insult, saying I couldn’t do better and I should give him a shot.
  7. Why is she an only child?

Comments

comments