Category: Merry Mishmash

The Bust of Lenin

An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel. When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin. Customs: What is that? Old man: What is…

Passover Stringency Humor

By Grand Rabbi Yisroel Groundfliegel shalit”a, Self-Described Halachik Authority and Successful Lower East Side Real Estate Developer Here are the halachik issues for Pesach 5771: 1. Braces Those people who normally wear braces while consuming chometzdike food, (food not kosher for Passover) must have their braces kashered…

The Conversion

Moishe and Solly are passing a Catholic Church and see a sign that reads “Convert to Catholicism, $50 Cash.” Moishe turns to his friend Solly and says, “Hey, I’m going to try it.” He enters the church and returns a…

Selling Out Russia

Post-Soviet Russia. Rabinovich calls the Pamyat headquarters: “Is it true that we Jews sold out Mother Russia?” “Damn right, you filthy kike!” “Oh good. Could you tell me where I might get my share?”

The Confessions

A rabbi and a Catholic priest are having lunch in a restaurant. The priest’s food arrives, a scrumptious-looking ham entrée. The priest attacks his lunch, savouring every bite of the ham. Noticing the rabbi eyeing him, he asks, “So tell…

The Silent Debate

One Pope, in the Dark Ages, decreed that all Jews had to leave Rome. The Jews did not want to leave, and so the Pope challenged them to a disputation to prove that they could remain. No one, however, wanted…

The Promotions

A rabbi once asked his old friend, a priest, “Could you ever be promoted within your Church?” The priest says, thoughtfully, “Well, I could become a bishop.” The rabbi persists, “And after that?” With a pause for consideration, the priest…

Oy Am I Thirsty

An old Jewish man riding on a train begins to moan: “Oy, am I thirsty; oy, am I thirsty”, to the annoyance of the other passengers. Finally, another passenger gets a cup of water from the drinking fountain and gives…

I Can’t Kvetch

A Jewish man in a hospital tells the doctor he wants to be transferred to a different hospital. The doctor says “What’s wrong? Is it the food?” “No, the food is fine. I can’t kvetch.” “Is it the room?” “No,…

Tired and Thirsty

A Frenchman, a German and a Jew walk into a bar. “I’m tired and thirsty,” says the Frenchman. “I must have wine.” “I’m tired and thirsty,” says the German. “I must have beer.” “I’m tired and thirsty,” says the Jew.…