Basic Rules for Driving in Israel

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1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Israeli driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, as the other guy doesn’t have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good way to scare people entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in Israel during rush hour.

9. Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn’t mean that an Israeli driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Israel is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Highway Department which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes.

12. It is traditional in Israel to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light turns green.

13. Remember that the goal of every Israeli is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

14. In Israel, shouting at the other driver and ignoring his reply is considered a common greeting. This gesture should always be returned.

15. The reason for the black and white stripes at crosswalks in Israel is to remind pedestrians that their function is exactly the same as that of a front sight on a rifle.

16. When the green light blinks and turns into yellow in the rest of the world it means: slow down it is going to turn red. In Israel it means-Press the pedal you are loosing it, GO GO GO.

17. Emergency lights mean-just a second I’m buying cigarettes.