34 Things About Computers if They Were Jewish


jewish computerThese were gathered from the internet years ago. It’s worth reposting -RH

  1. Your “Start” button would be replaced with a “Let’s go! I’m not getting any younger!” button.
  2. The cursor moves from right to left.
  3. Instead of getting a “General Protection Fault” error, your PC would get “Ferklempt”.
  4. The Y2K problem has been replaced by “Year 5760-5761” issues.
  5. Hanukkah screen savers will have “Flying Dreidels”.
  6. I hear “Hava Nagila” during startup.
  7. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
  8. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
  9. “Abort, Retry, Ignore” would be replaced with “Stop it already – you’re killing me! You vant I should try it again?, I didn’t hear that!”.
  10. When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to “Remove the cable from your PC’s tuchis”.
  11. Your multimedia player would be renamed to “Nu, so play my music already!”
  12. Internet Explorer would now have a spinning “Star of David” in the upper right corner.
  13. You would hear the tune “Hava Nagila” during startup.
  14. Microsoft Office would include “A little byte of this, and a little byte of that”.
  15. When running “Scandisk”, you will be prompted with a “You vant I should fix this?” message.
  16. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud “Oy!!!”
  17. A “monitor cleaning solution” from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the “schmutz” on your monitor.
  18. After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go “Schloffen.”
  19. Computer viruses would now be cured with chicken soup.
  20. It comes with two hard drives-one for fleyshedik business software and one for milchedik games.
  21. Instead of getting a “General Protection Fault” error, my PC now gets a “Ferklempt” error.
  22. The Chanukah screen savers include “Flying Dreidels”. The PC also shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
  23. The “Start” button has been replaced with a “Let’s go! I’m not getting any younger!” button.
  24. When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to “Remove the cable from the PC’s tuchus.”

    chassid-on-computer-cartoon

  25. The multimedia player has been renamed to “Nu, so play my music already!”
  26. Internet Explorer has a spinning “Star of David” in the upper right corner.
  27. Microsoft Office now includes “A little byte of this, and a little byte of that.”
  28. When running “scandisk,” it prompts with a “You want I should fix this?” message.
  29. When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud “Oy Gevalt!”
  30. There is a “monitor cleaning solution” from Manischewitz that advertises that it gets rid of the “schmaltz und drek” on your monitor.
  31. After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes “Schlaffen.”
  32. Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup.
  33. If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following message appears: “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
  34. When Spellcheck finds an error it prompts “Is this the best you can do?”
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