Passover Jokes FULL LIST – Bring to your Seder!

matzahstar-passoverBelow are the bangitout.com seder sidekick epic joke list – print out and bring to your seder or just print the SEDER SIDEKICK

JOKES

  • Hear about the internet search engine for Passover?  it’s called eliYAHOO
  • How do you drive your mother completely insane on Passover?   It’s really a piece of cake
  • Man hands a blind man a piece of matzah. Blind man: “Who wrote this crap?”
  • When it comes to Karpas, who is the king of Passover?  A. Elvis Parsley!!
  • What did the grape do when he got stepped on?   He let out a little wine
  • Why did the Egyptians have the Jews do all the Pyramid building?    They were Anti-Cementic
  • What’s the your favorite Passover film? Shawshankbone Redemption
  • Why did the matzah quit his job? A. Because he didn’t get a raise!!
  • What army base is off limits on Passover? Fort Leavenworth
  • An Egpytian task master fell down a wishing well, The Jewish slave was amazed, “I never knew they worked.”
  • How does NASA organize their Passover seders in space? They planet.
  • Why did the Mortgage Crisis start on Passover? Too much leaning
  • Why do we eat horseradish with the 4 cups?  When it chrains, it pours
  • What did the Egyptians say  when they saw the first plague? Oh DAMM
  • You want to hear a good matzah pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy
  • What do you call someone who spent hours preparing the Seder plate???? Egg-zosted!
  • How did the matzah do in Vegas? He was going for broke
  • ‘My friend says Jews on Passover have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.’
  • What make a great Seder like a piece of matza?   They both should take less than 18 minutes!
  • What do you call  lice in a bald pharoah’s  head?  Homeless.
  • Why wouldn’t Moses let anyone use his staff? He couldn’t part with it.
  • Why did the matzah goto the doctor? Because he started feeling crumby
  • . What’s the difference between matzoh and cardboard?? Cardboard doesn’t leave crumbs in the rug
  • What did one seder plate say to the other?  Dinner is on me!
  • What kind of shoes did the Egyptians where during the plague of Frogs? Open toad!
  • You hear about the synagogue of only Jewish Democrats in 2016?  A: It’s called Bnei Barack
  • What did the Red Sea say to the Jews when it was split?  Nothing. It just waved.
  • What did Joseph use to call his brothers from jail?  His cell phone.
  • Why did the matza baker rob the bank? He needed the dough.
  • What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction?  A matzochist.
  • Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
  • Who is behind Pharaoh’s Evil Empire? Darth Seder
  • What was the name of the Secret Spy for the Jews in Egypt? Bondage, James Bondage
  • What did the Matzah say to the comedian? You crack me up!
  • What did the Teddy Bear say when he was offered the afikomen? No thanks, I’m stuffed
  • What kind of cake do you eat after the big Passover meal? a Stomach cake
  • Have I ever told you the joke about the matzah and butter?  I better not tell you, it might spread
  • Why did Shlomo not do his homework on pesach? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake
  • Knock-knock…Who’s there? Aaron, Aaron who? Why Aaron you letting the Jews go, Pharaoh?
  • Knock, knock…Who’s there? Lettuce….Lettuce who? Lettuce in your seder, it’s cold out here.
  • Knock Knock…Who’s there? leena!…leena who? Leena little closer to the left, we recline at the seder!
  • Knock knock. Who’s there?  Honey bee. …Honey bee who?  Honey bee a dear and bring over the cup for washing our hands
  • Knock Knock…Who’s there !  Dragon ! …Dragon who ?  Dragon your feet again – let’s get on with this seder already
  • Knock Knock – Who’s there?  orange  – orange who? orange you going to answer the door? It’s me Elijah I’ve been sitting here for an hour
  • Knock Knock….Who’s There?  Toby… Toby Who?  Toby or not Toby, that is the 5th question
  • Why do we have a Haggadah to read on Passover? So we can Seder right words.
  • Q: What’s the best cheese to eat on Pesach? A: Matza-rella.
  • What’s the difference between matzoh and cardboard?? Cardboard doesn’t leave crumbs in the rug
  • Why  did the matzah goto the doctor?  Because he started feeing crumby
  • What did Moses say to Pharoah after he refused the first plague? That was Dumb.
  • Why did the man drink 4 cups of Tropicana at his Seder? He couldn’t concentrate
  • A Matzah walks into a bar…  Bartender says: Haven’t seen you in a while, where you been? Matzah says: I’ve had some bad breaks
  • Bitter Herbs walks into a bar  The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food here”
  • Elijah Walks into a bar Bartender says: What can I get for you Elijah? Elijah says: Wait, you can see me??
  • Matzah Walks into a Bar   Bartender says “Crumby day?”
  • The Jewish Nation walks into a bar  600,000 Jews pile in and out of bar   Bartender says: You thought splitting the sea was hard, try splitting this check
  • A Matzah Ball walks into a bar…  Bartender says: Is this Round on you?
  • Kiddush Cup walks into  Bartender says: Sorry, we don’t serve whiners here
  • Pharoah Walks into a Bar  Bartender: What’s with the heavy heart? Pharoah: I want my mummy.
  • Pirate Walks into a bar  with a paper towel on his head instead of a yarmulke. Bartender says “What’s up with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrrrr…there’s a bounty on me head’
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  • Karpas walks into a bar Two men were fighting at the bar. One threw a plate of karpas.”And thats just for starters”, he said.
  • How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a light bulb?  “I cleaned the house, made the seders, and my husband keeps saying, “Next Year in Jerusalem!”
  • How many Seder’s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  Who knows, one?
  • How many Moses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, he has a staff for those kinds of requests
  • How many Egyptians does it take to screw in a light bulb?    No one can find them, it’s the plague of Darkness!
  • How many bubies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  1 but first eat a something bubbleh. You look starving.
  • How many Lubovitchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?  2, one to change it while the other puts tefillin on it.
  • How many cups of wine does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Enough to realize the room is spinning, not the bulb
  • How many Pharoah does it take to screw in a light bulb?   One, but he won’t let it go.
  • How many Elijahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?    One, but after having a cup of wine at every seder on the planet, he may be lights out.
  • How many isralites does it take to screw in a light bulb?    One nation, with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm

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