Below are the bangitout.com seder sidekick epic joke list – print out and bring to your seder or just print the SEDER SIDEKICK
JOKES
- Hear about the internet search engine for Passover? it’s called eliYAHOO
- How do you drive your mother completely insane on Passover? It’s really a piece of cake
- Man hands a blind man a piece of matzah. Blind man: “Who wrote this crap?”
- When it comes to Karpas, who is the king of Passover? A. Elvis Parsley!!
- What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine
- Why did the Egyptians have the Jews do all the Pyramid building? They were Anti-Cementic
- What’s the your favorite Passover film? Shawshankbone Redemption
- Why did the matzah quit his job? A. Because he didn’t get a raise!!
- What army base is off limits on Passover? Fort Leavenworth
- An Egpytian task master fell down a wishing well, The Jewish slave was amazed, “I never knew they worked.”
- How does NASA organize their Passover seders in space? They planet.
- Why did the Mortgage Crisis start on Passover? Too much leaning
- Why do we eat horseradish with the 4 cups? When it chrains, it pours
- What did the Egyptians say when they saw the first plague? Oh DAMM
- You want to hear a good matzah pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy
- What do you call someone who spent hours preparing the Seder plate???? Egg-zosted!
- How did the matzah do in Vegas? He was going for broke
- ‘My friend says Jews on Passover have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.’
- What make a great Seder like a piece of matza? They both should take less than 18 minutes!
- What do you call lice in a bald pharoah’s head? Homeless.
- Why wouldn’t Moses let anyone use his staff? He couldn’t part with it.
- Why did the matzah goto the doctor? Because he started feeling crumby
- . What’s the difference between matzoh and cardboard?? Cardboard doesn’t leave crumbs in the rug
- What did one seder plate say to the other? Dinner is on me!
- What kind of shoes did the Egyptians where during the plague of Frogs? Open toad!
- You hear about the synagogue of only Jewish Democrats in 2016? A: It’s called Bnei Barack
- What did the Red Sea say to the Jews when it was split? Nothing. It just waved.
- What did Joseph use to call his brothers from jail? His cell phone.
- Why did the matza baker rob the bank? He needed the dough.
- What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? A matzochist.
- Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
- Who is behind Pharaoh’s Evil Empire? Darth Seder
- What was the name of the Secret Spy for the Jews in Egypt? Bondage, James Bondage
- What did the Matzah say to the comedian? You crack me up!
- What did the Teddy Bear say when he was offered the afikomen? No thanks, I’m stuffed
- What kind of cake do you eat after the big Passover meal? a Stomach cake
- Have I ever told you the joke about the matzah and butter? I better not tell you, it might spread
- Why did Shlomo not do his homework on pesach? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake
- Knock-knock…Who’s there? Aaron, Aaron who? Why Aaron you letting the Jews go, Pharaoh?
- Knock, knock…Who’s there? Lettuce….Lettuce who? Lettuce in your seder, it’s cold out here.
- Knock Knock…Who’s there? leena!…leena who? Leena little closer to the left, we recline at the seder!
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Honey bee. …Honey bee who? Honey bee a dear and bring over the cup for washing our hands
- Knock Knock…Who’s there ! Dragon ! …Dragon who ? Dragon your feet again – let’s get on with this seder already
- Knock Knock – Who’s there? orange – orange who? orange you going to answer the door? It’s me Elijah I’ve been sitting here for an hour
- Knock Knock….Who’s There? Toby… Toby Who? Toby or not Toby, that is the 5th question
- Why do we have a Haggadah to read on Passover? So we can Seder right words.
- Q: What’s the best cheese to eat on Pesach? A: Matza-rella.
- What’s the difference between matzoh and cardboard?? Cardboard doesn’t leave crumbs in the rug
- Why did the matzah goto the doctor? Because he started feeing crumby
- What did Moses say to Pharoah after he refused the first plague? That was Dumb.
- Why did the man drink 4 cups of Tropicana at his Seder? He couldn’t concentrate
- A Matzah walks into a bar… Bartender says: Haven’t seen you in a while, where you been? Matzah says: I’ve had some bad breaks
- Bitter Herbs walks into a bar The barman says ”Sorry we don’t serve food here”
- Elijah Walks into a bar Bartender says: What can I get for you Elijah? Elijah says: Wait, you can see me??
- Matzah Walks into a Bar Bartender says “Crumby day?”
- The Jewish Nation walks into a bar 600,000 Jews pile in and out of bar Bartender says: You thought splitting the sea was hard, try splitting this check
- A Matzah Ball walks into a bar… Bartender says: Is this Round on you?
- Kiddush Cup walks into Bartender says: Sorry, we don’t serve whiners here
- Pharoah Walks into a Bar Bartender: What’s with the heavy heart? Pharoah: I want my mummy.
- Pirate Walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head instead of a yarmulke. Bartender says “What’s up with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrrrr…there’s a bounty on me head’
- Karpas walks into a bar Two men were fighting at the bar. One threw a plate of karpas.”And thats just for starters”, he said.
- How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a light bulb? “I cleaned the house, made the seders, and my husband keeps saying, “Next Year in Jerusalem!”
- How many Seder’s does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who knows, one?
- How many Moses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, he has a staff for those kinds of requests
- How many Egyptians does it take to screw in a light bulb? No one can find them, it’s the plague of Darkness!
- How many bubies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1 but first eat a something bubbleh. You look starving.
- How many Lubovitchers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2, one to change it while the other puts tefillin on it.
- How many cups of wine does it take to screw in a light bulb? Enough to realize the room is spinning, not the bulb
- How many Pharoah does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but he won’t let it go.
- How many Elijahs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but after having a cup of wine at every seder on the planet, he may be lights out.
- How many isralites does it take to screw in a light bulb? One nation, with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm
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