All of these are actual questions. Names and specific details have been censored out. All Megillah stories have been shortened as well.
Externalities
Unisex
- Is the boy’s/girl’s mother/sister(s) overweight?
To Males
- A shtark bochur in yeshiva asked me to rate a girl’s looks on a scale of 1 – 10….
- “You’ve been to the mikvah when he was there? Does he have a big one?”
To Females
- Does the girl have red hair? If yes, we aren’t interested.
- How are her middos? (Boobs. Middos literally means dimensions. As opposed to in reference to fat/skinny)
- Shadchan: what size are her boobs? Askee: what size is his sh*****l?
- Her dress size
Clothes
To Males
- Does he wear a hat?
- Is it pinched?
- Does he wear Techeiles?
To Females
- Will she wear a pleated skirt on a 1st date?
- “Does she hang her clothing on the bedpost?”
Kids Issue
- (To a 20 year old girl) If I’d go out with someone 15 years + older than me since no one wants to date a woman with a lot of kids
Frum Shtus
Unisex
- Does the family go on vacation?
- Do they cover their fancy Shabbos tablecloth with plastic?
- Do they put the Ketchup bottle on the table (or put it into a serving dish)?
- Did the boy’s/girl’s mother go regularly to the Mikveh?
- What percentage of your Family minhagim are Lubavitch ?
- Does the family use a white tablecloth on Shabbos?
To Males
- “During the time that the girl’s great-grandmother was a divorcee, did she regularly go to the mikveh?”
- A girl’s snot-nosed 10 year old brother opens the door, looks up and says, “My father wants to know if you are koivea itim letoira.” Answer: My answer was, your father can ask me himself.
- Do you wear tzitzis? If so, I have the best girl for you.
- I was asked (by the girl) do i hold by yoshon? I replied “well, I try not to speak yoshon hara.” She got up and walked out – told the shadchan I am a self-hating Jew.
- I was asked at 30+ working fulltime my own factory , if I would be willing to go back to learning full time…..
To Females
- Does she wear lipstick on Shabbos?
- How frum is she? (On a scale of what?)
- “Does she have Kavanah when she Davens?”
Sephardi Party
- A girl to a guy: Wait, he’s Sephardi? He’s probably a wife beater then. (Actually happened)
- To a girl: “Can you tell her family is Sephardi? Cause she comes off so aidel but she mentioned her family is Moroccan and you know..”
The Rest
Unisex
- What dress does the mother wear when taking out the garbage? (Correct answer is that the father does – it’s a trick question).
To Males
- “What’s your favorite disease? Mine’s tzora’as, because you need to be on a certain madreiga in order to get it.”
- “Why isn’t he married yet”
- How about 9 years older?
- Why does he live on the upper west side? (response: don’t worry, he’s not sleeping around.)
- Shadchan to young married man: what what kind of girl should I set up for you? Answer: if my wife were to know I’d never hear the end of it.
- Does he have mental health issues?
To Females
- “Is she weird?”
- If I can convince him to go out with u, will u?!?!?
- If she would dress up on Purim in costume
- “Is she responsible? Or does she like to have fun?” (Uhhh… I didn’t know the two were mutually exclusive…?)
- My mother was asked about her employee if her bedroom is clean to which my mother responds she works for me im old enough to be her mother i don’t hang out in her bedroom
- Someone once wanted to set me up with a mentally handicapped guy. I would have been insulted but the wanna-be shadchan was really loony tunes. She was suggesting him as an insult, saying I couldn’t do better and I should give him a shot.
- Why is she an only child?
